Whether your family celebrates Thanksgiving or not, it is likely that your college student will have a break from classes for some or all of next week. Many students will take advantage of the opportunity to “come home.” For first-year students, this may be the first time home after beginning their new college adventure. It can bring unexpected emotions—for both you and your student. They might feel homesick for college or nostalgic about home. Similarly, you might feel joy, sadness, or even frustration. Allow space for these emotions, keep your time together as low key as possible, and relish the moments you spend together.
Regardless of what year your student is in college, by approaching their time at home with empathy, flexibility, and genuine interest, you can create a meaningful experience and help your emerging adult feel supported and valued. Amid all the dynamics, remember to find joy. Share a meal, engage in an activity together, or simply relax in each other’s company. It’s often the small moments that create lasting memories and reinforce your unique relationship with your “kid.”
Understand the Emotional Landscape
College students often return home with a mixture of excitement and anxiety, regardless of what year they are in school. They’ve likely developed increasing independence, navigated challenges, and grown significantly in a variety of ways, both known and unknown to you. As family members grow and change, dynamics at home have likely changed too.Your student may feel overwhelmed thinking about managing these changes and family expectations while at home again. They also might be experiencing academic stress from how the semester has gone, as well as upcoming finals. Being aware of the emotional dynamics for both your student and other members of the family will lay a positive foundation for the visit.
Set the Stage
Some families have special holiday traditions. And, your student’s evolving independence may require adjustments to them. If they have specific dietary needs or travel/time constraints, consider adapting your plans. Discuss both mutual and differing expectations ahead of their arrival home. Balance your desires with theirs, keeping in mind they may prioritize rest, seeing friends, or completing academic work. Create low key opportunities for them to discuss any struggles they might be experiencing as well as opportunities to celebrate the highlights of their semester thus far.
Create a Laid Back Welcome
Make their return special by creating a space that feels familiar but not overly controlling. Do not overwhelm them with a packed schedule. Have some flexibility with household rules, routines, and schedules to accommodate their increasing independence and sense of autonomy. Be understanding if they want to spend time with high school friends, chill with the family pet or siblings, or if they seem hesitant about committing to too many plans. The more relaxed you are, the more likely they’ll hang around and hang out.
Be Sensitive To Changes
College is a time of growth and self-discovery. Your student may return home with new habits, appearance, perspectives, or values. These shifts are part of their development as they explore their identity and become more independent. Instead of reacting with surprise or criticism, try to be curious about their experiences and respect their journey toward adulthood. Avoid being overly critical and instead, gently ask questions and seek to understand the “why” behind the changes.
Understand That They May Need Down Time
College life is often a whirlwind of classes, extra-curricular and social activities, and late nights. Adapting to new surroundings and trying to “fit in” can be exhausting, particularly for first-year students. Your student likely wants time to decompress. Afterall, it is called a “break.” Decompressing and recharging may result in them spending a lot of break sleeping in, lounging, or binge-watching shows; be patient with and respect their need for restorative activities.
Inquire Don’t Interrogate
Ask open-ended questions and listen more than you speak. Avoid prying about their grades or personal life, even if they bring them up. Instead of, “What are your grades?” or “Are you and X dating?” try, “What’s been the most exciting or challenging part of the semester?” Refrain from comparing them to siblings or other students. Show genuine curiosity and listen without judgment. Offer guidance only if they seek it—sometimes they just need someone to listen and validate how they are feeling. Doing so can strengthen trust and encourage them to open up.
Provide Opportunities to Connect
While supporting your student, remember to enjoy this fleeting time together. Offer to engage in some relaxed family activities like cooking together, watching a movie, playing cards or a game, or going on a walk. Balance suggesting opportunities to connect with family members with space to just “be.” Quality time combined with your understanding can strengthen your relationship during this transformative phase that includes their increased independence and emergence into young adulthood.
Final Thoughts
As break wraps up, everyone may once again experience a mixture of emotions. Offer to help your student pack, prepare snacks for the journey, or talk about the next few weeks. A little encouragement can ease their transition back to college life and reinforce your support. Each visit home from college is a valuable chance to reconnect and observe your student’s growth. By embracing their independence, staying attuned to their needs, and fostering a relaxed, welcoming atmosphere, you can create meaningful moments and strengthen your relationship.
What suggestions do you have for parents for when a college student returns home? Any special considerations or suggestions for parents of first-year students? Share in the comments below!
About
Beth A. Howland is a higher education consultant and college student success coach based in Ithaca, NY. She is the founder of College Navigators, LLC. Check out all of Beth’s previous posts about college student success.
